Thursday, November 30, 2006

and the i-laughed-so-hard-i-couldn't-stand-straight award goes to...

massey (to guy working at the library): "excuse me, can i leave my laptop with you while i go get some food?"
guy working at the library: "sure. i'll keep it safe for you."
massey: "thanks. i'll be right back."

10 min later: having dropped off stuff at my locker and walking leisurly over, massey and i arrive at the unicentre Tim Horton's.
who do we see standing in line in front of us but mr. guy-working-at-the-library-i'll-keep-your-laptop-safe-for-you, with the guiltiest look on his face ("i left it in a locker, i swear!")

we died!

oh good times...

"don't you realize the discovery of america revolutionized italian cooking???"

tomatos only naturally grow in north america!
so the world didn't have tomatos until the discovery of america. isn't that crazy? it's weird that something that is so common in everyday food didn't even exist for people until 500 years ago. now they have imported it to other countries, but they don't grow there naturally. it shows how the huge discoveries of one century are the standards of the next (there is a quote that goes something like that, but i can't remember it right now).
and to think, i came this close (well, 500 years) to never experiencing the joys of eating a pizza...

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

so true

"The great thing in this world is not so much where we are, but in what direction we are moving." (Oliver Holmes)

actually, i refuse to give up: reflections on the last post

i realized something last night.
things will always be just as hectic as they are now, especially since i want to be a prof (professor = life-time student).
and what's more, it will probably get even worse, when you add all the other things, like family, kids, career, my own home, blah blah blah.
this is life.
so instead of waiting for the things i have to do to be over before i can be happy, i have decided to be happy RIGHT NOW.
yay, i get to write a 15 page paper on a topic i know nothing about.
yay, i get to mark 40 assignments and 5 35-page papers.
yay, i still have 3 papers to look forward to writing in the next 3 weeks.
yaaay i have an ancient greek exam to fail.
woo-woo.

ok, this is going to take some practice...

...but i am going to be happy about all this work, err - i mean, about all these sources of joy.
i have decided.

i will be so happy...

...next monday after handing in my history of science paper.

oh wait,
i have an exam on the 8th.
and another paper due on the 8th.
ok then, i will be so happy...
...on the 8th after doing that exam and handing in that paper.

oh wait,
i have to hand in my students' grades by the 13th.
and i have two other papers due by the 22nd.
ok then, i will be so happy...
...on the 22nd after finishing grading and handing in those two papers.

oh wait,
i have another paper due in january.
plus grad school applications.
ok then--
bah i give up!
it's a never-ending cycle.

i'm tired.
sigh.
oh christmas break, you are in my dreams...

bwhahaha - that's exactly how the end of november feels

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

funny forward (but 'ah!' - shocked face)

GEOGRAPHY OF WOMEN:
-Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa: half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile soil.
-Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe: well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
-Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India: very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
-Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France: gently aging but still warm and a desirable place to visit.
-Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain: with a glorious and all conquering past.
-Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia: lost the war and haunted by past mistakes.
-Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Russia: very wide with borders now un-patrolled.
-After 70, she becomes Tibet: wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

GEOGRAPHY OF MEN:
Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran: Ruled by a Dick.

oh that professor beer (lol)

"in modern times, people think the greek gods are dead. but they are wrong. i celebrate dionysus* at least once a week...i won't go into aphrodite** here in class. and i can see zeus*** is up there today - he will probably piss around on us pretty soon."
(professor beer on the greek gods, who he believes in and worships btw)

*god of wine and partying
**god of love (but mostly physical love)
***head of the greek gods, controls thunderstorms (among other things)

you make me feel

safe.

Monday, November 27, 2006

if you knew you would not fail, what would you attempt?

she asked me this today as we were leaving. she had read it on a poster or something on his wall.
"there are so many things people don't do because they are afraid of failure. what would you attempt?"
"to fly."

why?
i said this in one of my other posts too. i wish i could fly.
but why do i want to fly?
i mean, i am a human being. i should be satisfied with just walking. after all, that is what i was made to do. maybe i feel trapped on my two feet. limited to the short little distances they allow me to travel. rooting me to the ground. hard. holding me down. pulled down by gravity. imprisoned by the laws of nature.
maybe i wish i could defy those laws. just soar to the sun. see what is beyond that cave in the sky pouring out light on me every morning. fly through the clouds and see if it all looks different from up there. fly next to a bird to see what its expression looks like in the middle of flight. do the stars look closer from up there or do they seem just as far away?

"i've seen the sun make love to the sea"

maybe i'm tired of everything looking so big and important from down here. maybe i want to forget about it all. all the small things that seem so huge down here. from up in the sky, i could be like gilligan looking down on the mini people of lilliput and laughing at how seriously they take themselves, when they - and their problems - are so small. insignificant. maybe i'm tired of living in lilliput, of being a lilliputian.

can you see God from up there?

maybe i want to have the freedom to go wherever i want to whenever i want to. i miss them so much. if i could fly, i would just get up on weekends and fly for a visit. ha. that would be cool. we would go out together, laugh together, be together. it would be like i grew up in both places at once. no more divided nature.
or i could go to all the places i learn about. like on thursday i learn about dante, friday i get up and fly to florence and see the places he talks about. then the next weekend i could just fly to athens and see where socrates was tried. i could have gone to rome and seen "school of athens" first-hand.

i want to be free

maybe flying feels like skating. like really skating - tearing through the kids at a dangerous speed, maneouvering my way through, picking one foot up, pushing, then the other, fighting through the ice cold wind that cools my face, blows my hair everywhere, makes me look like a tomato-face by the time i get off the ice. is that what it's like to fly? maybe it's even more like that. it feels like that but ten times more. (whoa, if that's true, i wonder how red i would look after flying...)
maybe i want to talk with the birds. have a race. play a flying game. make new friends.

or maybe i'm just lazy and don't want to walk.

if you knew you would not fail, what would you attempt?

i'm going to start...

...giving my posts titles.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

"promise me you won't see him anymore. if you keep on visiting him, he is going to fall in love with you again, and then you'll have to be in the unfortunate position of having to break one of our hearts."
"you know, he has lost his memory. he barely remembers me. what makes you so sure he would fall in love with me again?"
"what a perfectly tacit question! how could he not?"

Saturday, November 25, 2006

"You are never given a wish without being given the power to make it come true."

i wish i could know every language in the world.
i wish i didn't have to write my science paper.
i wish i was brilliant.
i wish i could know the truth.
i wish i could make everyone happy.
i wish i could help everyone know themselves.
i wish i could know myself.
i wish i had a good ear in music.
i wish i had more than one body so i could be in more than one place at once.
i wish i could study everything.
i wish i could see God.
i wish i could forget sad things.
i wish i didn't wish for impossible things.
i wish i had longer hair.
i wish johanna (my sponser child) didn't need me and she had everything i do.
i wish i knew ballet.
i wish i never procrastinated.
i wish i could always feel like i do when i dance.
i wish i was wise.
i wish i never had a divided nature and my reason and passions always agreed.
i wish i liked salad.
i wish i hated chocolate.
i wish meredith and shepard just stay together on grey's anatomy.
i wish i was in iran right now.
i wish i wasn't confused.
i wish we never fought.
i wish i could be happy for you.
i wish my parents would never get sad.
i wish i could see the earth from space.
i wish people didn't have to worry about money and vanessa and kim and i could travel wherever we wanted, whenever we wanted.
i wish it was june already so i could graduate.
i wish hypocrites didn't exist.
i wish i hadn't been so wrong.
i wish i truly believed for myself what i told her.
i wish my relatives lived here.
i wish i was a faster reader.
i wish i had a good voice.
i wish people wouldn't lie.
i wish hegel was a little bit easier to read.
i wish i was better at ancient greek.
most of all,
i wish i could fly.

do i really have the power to make my wishes come true?
i wonder...

Friday, November 24, 2006

"the strongest proof the platonists have for proof of the existance of the Good is that we love it." professor macisaac on plato's proof for the existance of the Good [same as our idea of God today] (obviously - lol)

sounds good to me...

Thursday, November 23, 2006

good song, but so sad (he runs her over??!!):
http://www.animatelove.com/gallery/details.php?image_id=138

in other news, Josh Groban is coming to ottawa...AND I HAVE TICKETS.
YES YES YES (breaks out into celebratory dance, starts singing josh groban songs madly)
important announcement:
today is the THIRD DAY IN A ROW that the weather has been sunny and beautiful.

this occurance is so rare in ottawa at this time of the year that it deserves its own post, especially since 56 of the last 77 days have been rainy (and i'm not exaggerating - i read it in the paper).
yay sun!

p.s. beautiful line from another omid song ('bot') ( means 'idol'):
tavalode dobaramo madeeyoone eshghet meedoonam...
i owe my re-birth to your love
(omg, why does it sound so poetic in persian, and so cheesy in english? clearly a career in translation is not for me...)

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

new favorite song of the moment (well other than the 'perfect song' of november 19th):
http://www.bia2.com/music/
go to 'Omid', then 'Entezar' - the song is called 'Azizam'
i may have listened to it oooh, about 50 thousand times last night. soo soo cute.

azizam, too jadeye fada shodan,
oon-ke hargez nemeeshe khaste manam.
oonike ba 100 omido arezoo
delesho baste be eshghe to manam. (twice)
(my dear, in the road of becoming sacrificed [i.e. falling in love][i think]
the one who never gets tired [gives up] is me.
the one who with 100 wishes and hopes
has tied his heart to the loving of you is me.)


chorus
akhe to pako najeebee
to ye ehsase ajeebee
nakone
fereshte-ee to
(because you are pure and noble
you are a strange feeling
i wonder,
whether you are an angel)


ta nedaye eshgh reseed bar man (twice)
shoghe zendegee dameed bar man (twice)
(as soon as the proclamation/voice of love reached me
the joy of life reached [??...don't know what 'dameed' means. anyone?] me)
chorus


meekham to daryaye cheshat
ta joon daram shena konam
meekham hesabe khodamo
az ashegha joda konam
(in the sea of your eyes
i want to swim for as long as i have life
i want to distinguish myself
from others who are lovers)


fada shodan baraye to
daleele zende boodane.
meekham eshgho jonoonamo
rayeye gheseha konam (twice)
(being sacrificed for you
is the reason for living
i want to make my love and insanity
the counsel [raye??] of stories)

chorus

ok so i attempted to translate, but i think i did quite a bad job. i translated directly and it sounds much stupider in english than in persian, for some reason. its so poetic in persian. also, some of the word i wasn't sure about. any help would be appreciated. (and yes, i already checked www.farsidic.com)

but anyways, the point is, I HEART THIS SONG!!
the last week and a half of my life has been spent analyzing every detail of this painting ('School of Athens' Raphael, 1508-1512). i am an expert on it now! i can tell you anything you want to know. :D
PLUS, look at my baby Aristotle, love of my life, there in the middle. and he is holding my favorite book in his hand!! (we're meant to be...)

p.s. yeah it's beautiful, but i'm deliriously happy that i'm finished writing about it...(isn't 'deliriously' a cool word? i'm going to try to randomly use it whenever i can)(no, i didn't sleep last night)

"i wish my homework was asexual so it would do itself."
one week and a half left of the fall term.
must write 40 pages in this short short time.
10 of which are due tomorr-err, today.
at 2:30 pm.
it is now 3:08 am.
i will not reveal how much i still have left to do.

it's times like these that make me wish feminism had not happened...i could be a grand-ma right now instead of having to think...

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

bwahahahahaha (forward):

New Oxford definitions
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you
actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist: A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally
falls into a river.
Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got
caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your
confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Monday, November 20, 2006



SOOOOOOOO CUTE! Love and Life By George F. Watts
Love is represented by the angel and Life is the woman.
Watts "Life, represented by the female figure, never could have reached such heights unless protected and guided by Love".

(thank you kimmy)
if you made a movie of your life, what would make the cut?
"meet real girls who want it too much to say no"
"free asian porn"
"slutty girl looking for blah blah blah"
these are a few titles of spam mail that i get everyday. i don’t understand – what kind of list am i on that sends me these sorts of e-mails??? i mean, do i look like i’m looking for real girls who want it too much to say no? or asian porn (even though it’s free!)? (what’s the difference between asian and other kinds anyway?) everyday i log into my e-mail and it says like 13 new e-mails. "ooooh! yes! 13 e-mails!" i love getting e-mails. but then i check it and most of it is spam! (and the rest is from the university or something reminding me for the 400th time that the last day for registration is this day, or to check my audit and make sure i’m fulfilling all my requirements) (carleton students know what i’m talking about...roll eyes). i designate the spam mail as spam too! but i still get them. apparently someone REALLY wants me corrupted...

(give up buddy!! it’s not happening!!)

Sunday, November 19, 2006

wow...liberating thought...
"Sadness is knowledge that it is time for change."
(massey, erm, i mean Miss Masoumeh Hoveyda *cough cough* - make it sound professional :D)


(www.postsecret.blogspot.com)
perfect song.
it's funny how other people can explain exactly how you feel.

http://masseyjaan.blogspot.com/2006/11/song-of-week.html
(copyright of my massey)


Forgive? sounds good.
Forget? I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying

Chorus
I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it

Made my bed and sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind saying
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her daughter
that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
and how in the world can the words that I said
send somebody so over the edge that
they’d write me a letter
saying that I’d better shut up and sing
or my life would be over

Chorus twice

Forgive? sounds good.
Forget? I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting
what i think the best quality anyone can have is...

interjection: "who are you to give your opinion? why should i care?" you ask.
well you should listen to me because i, according to modern philosophers, am GOD. muhahaha (evil laugh – pinky held at the corner of mouth) these philosophers say there is no truth. truth is only dependent on the person himself, and is different for each person. and whatever each person says is truth for him. so what each person says is the ultimate truth.
...
it's just too bad that i don't agree with this, but believe that there ACTUALLY is a standard truth. otherwise...
i feel another evil laugh coming on ("what are we doing today Brain??" "the same thing we do every day Pinky: trying to take over the world!!")

but anyways, back to the main topic. ok, so i have come to value this quality as essential in a person. this post is a tribute to...
(wait for it)
(drum roll)

HONESTY

obviously! come on. what else did you think it would be? OF COURSE it would be honesty. i think anyone who has ever been lied to (i.e. everyone) would agree. but i don't just mean a simple lie. i'm talking about a deception so complete that it leaves you totally blind-sided. such a lie that when you learn the truth, it shocks you to the core of your being. one where when you find out the truth, what stings is not the truth itself – that doesn’t matter. what hurts is your own naiveté. how could you not have KNOWN? how could you have been so wrong?
somehow it haunts you.

i am reading augustine (omg, amazing!). he talks a whole lot about the whole 'Adam and Eve eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil' moment in the garden of eden. it is the greatest act of free will—actually, i'm just going to stop right here. i love the discussion of free will and i literally could go on FOREVER! but anyway, so this got me thinking. what is the knowledge that the Tree of Knowledge gave humans anyways? why did it cause us to be thrown out of paradise?
my answer: it gave us knowledge of Dishonesty, of an utter deception, of someone pretending like they want your best interest when really they want the worst for you, of someone using you for their own selfish benefit.

-serpent = the person who lied and fed you complete poop of a male cow (bullshit)
-Adam and Eve = you – so innocent, so willing to believe, so trusting and hopeful.

it never even occurred to them that the serpent was lying. yes, they knew that God had said don’t eat from this tree. and they knew that eating from it was wrong because of this. but they never thought that eating from it may be wrong because the serpent did not want what was best for them. they never questioned the motives of the serpent.

and so they ate the apple. ate it up. like it was truth. completely enraptured by the captivating smell. the beautiful colour. the wonderful taste. yes, on the surface that apple was perfect. it was coated with honey and went down so easily.

THEN, then God revealed the truth to them. no the serpent didn’t want them to be immortal and powerful like God. the serpent didn’t want them to know everything God did and have all the control He did. no no. in fact, he wanted the opposite. he wanted their complete impotence and annihilation.

"eve, sweetie, you were deceived."
"but why? i don’t understand. why would someone be cruel enough to do that?"
"well because by doing this he was able to show that you are not worthy creatures to reign in the garden of eden."
"so he used us as a vehicle to get what he wanted?"
"yes."
"but we trusted him! we completely believed him. we thought he was good and pure."
"well now you know, don’t you? now you have Knowledge that you shouldn’t trust everyone. now you know that not everyone wants what is best for you. some want to use you as a vehicle, a stepping-stone, to reach their own ends."
"shawwwg. that sucks. it hurts like a biatch."
"uh-huh. that’s why I told you not to eat from the Tree."

so then they couldn’t live in paradise anymore. isaiah berlin has this idea that people look at the world in two ways: 1) hermeneutics of understanding, 2) hermeneutics of suspicion. with the first, they view each situation in the best possible way and as in their benefit. with the second, they view it using suspicion, as something done purposefully against them.
to live in paradise is to see everything as good without questioning it (hermeneutics of understanding), without testing it to see whether it really IS good (the concept of paradise implies unadulterated goodness). but after the deception, they became incapable of doing this. every animal who spoke to them was a possible serpent in disguise. every fruit from every tree could possibly throw them down a spiral of bottomless ugly truth. instead of seeing the world as innocent until proven guilty, they looked at everything as guilty until proven innocent. so they had to come down to earth, where survival depends on trusting those who have proven themselves worthy.
how sad.

"the deception you show is your own parasite."

Saturday, November 18, 2006

freaky much??

Thursday, November 16, 2006

"I would rather live my life as if there is a God, and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't, and die to find out there is."

cool way to look at it...

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

i never existed for you, and now you don't exist for me.
e-mail from university administration:
"Carleton University and the Carleton University Academic Staff Association (CUASA), representing professors, instructors, non-credit language teachers and professional librarians reached a tentative agreement early Wednesday morning, November 15. A strike has been averted and it will be business as usual for Carleton students."

i wish i hadn't even known about the possibility of a strike! why would they toy with my emotions like that??

i look like death. just not as hot.
time: 5:27 am
place: same old chair (so bad for my poor back), staring at the same old computer (so bad for my poor eyes)
doing what?: same exact thing. oh joy...took a "one-hour nap" at 3:30. just got a wake-up call from massey...two-hours later...(p.s. i was supposed to call her at 4:00 to wake her up)(droo doo doo)
status: even more depressed cause i have been up all night and i feel like i know less than i did when i started. plus, the temperature in my basement has decreased to sub-human subsistance levels. (new super-hero identity: "it is I - icicle-fingered woman!")
my greatest wish right now: that i was a brilliant art history genius who just knew everything about everything in the history of everything.
justification for why i'm sitting here studying when i should be in bed having already prepared for my exam: you know what? i was thinking about this. about why i always leave it to the end. and the truth is, i have no choice. i have SO MANY other things due all the time, that i have to make priorities. for example, right before this exam i had another exam. and i had my scholarship applications due. plus, to be fair, he only put up the slides on friday. and i had an exam on monday so i had to study for that. so yeah. that's a good reason right?? oh come on. it is. hmmm, i need a lawyer.

...le sigh the second (millionth)...

oh and p.s. still don't know about this strike.
time: 1:36 am
place: sitting in front of the computer in our basement
doing what?: studying for history of art exam tomorrow
status: depressed cause i know i will be up all night. also, freezing cause it's basically like the inside of a glacier in my basement.
my greatest wish right now: let's just say i'm praying the profs do in fact go on strike.* for at least 1-2 days. yes, that would be great.
lesson learned?: oh God, same lesson "learned" in first year. and in second year. and last year.
manage.
time.
better.
(roll eyes)

...le sigh...


* the profs at my university are going on strike tomorrow (well starting at midnight tonight) unless they reach an agreement with the administration. i just had 4000 people ask me on msn if the strike was still on tomorrow. i was also asking every person i know. the answer? we don't know yet! grrr

Monday, November 13, 2006

i think i'm going to have to break up with november.
we're just not good together, you know? it expects too much of me! i mean, three 15-page papers and 2 exams?? and that's on top of all the readings and scholarship applications! that's just not right. it's not good for my health. or my self-esteem. it's practically an abusive relationship - that's right, i said it, it is abusing me.
not that i don't care about it. i do. we had our good times. the pancake breakfast in high school. that girl's night in first year. the annual humanities christmas party is in november. yeah, we made some great memories together. but i don't know, these past four years, since i started university, every year it just gets worse and worse. i hung in there hoping it would get better. every year i would hope and pray that it would be different this time. but no. nothing changed. and there comes a point in a relationship where you have to take a good look at the reality of the situation and admit to yourself that it's going nowhere.
i'm just going to have to sit down with it, look it straight in the eye and say, "listen, it's not me, it's you..."
you are everything you said you weren't,
everything you think you aren't


except worse, since you don't know it.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
have u seen
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind ?
bita - "you dated borat!" loool says:
no i haven't
bita - "you dated borat!" loool says:
what's it about?
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
omg
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
next girls night
bita - "you dated borat!" loool says:
yeah!!
bita - "you dated borat!" loool says:
what's it about?
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
its about this guy (jim carrey)
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
and this girl
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
kate winslet
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
and they go out
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
and they just totally click
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
they're so awesome together
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
and then they start getting tense and fight and stuff
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
and the break up
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
and the girl gets this treatment done
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
where she erases him from her memory
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
totally erases him
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
and he finds out and he's like FINE i'll do the same thing too.. why should u be able to go on so easily
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
and i have to suffer through ur memories?
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
so he gets the treatment done
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
but as the treatment is being done, he sees all the memories they had made together
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
and he doesnt want it done anymore.. he realizes he'd rather keep the pain than lose the memories
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
so he starts chasing her htrough his memroies, trying to save at least one
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
he can save
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
its sooo sweet
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=zNkhrFQNK4g
masoom -- Phelestine zindabad ... says:
its just part of the movie

if you could erase a painful memory, would you?

i don't know what i would do.
on the one hand, you can never be whole again because of the memories lurking there, forcing themselves into all your experiences and thoughts. on the other hand, you are more whole than ever before, having learned so much and become so much more human, more real and multi-dimensional.

hmm...
"even with all the mayonnaise in the world, you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit."

Saturday, November 11, 2006

"hmmm...A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?"

Friday, November 10, 2006

what if you could live forever? would you?
"ba doost chenan bash ke agar doshman shavad zian nashavee.
ba doshman chenan bash ke agar doost shavad khejel nashavee."
(iranian poet Saadey)(soooo goooooood)

"with friends act in such a way that if one becomes an enemy you won't be injured.
with enemies act in such a way that if one becomes a friend, you won't be embarrased"
Today's fortune:
Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you

score...

Thursday, November 09, 2006

nietzsche, when he first started his professional career, was a philologist. but then he wrote "beyond good and evil" and he was no longer accepted in the academic community. what he said about this was that he would have been very happy to have remained a philologist but "unfortunately i had to become God."
bwahahaha - now that's confidence*...ironic that it exist so strongly in a depressed man...

we're studying nietzsche right now. completely brilliant man (even though i don't think i agree with him)(much). anyways i just want to clear something up once and for all. any time nietzsche is mentioned anywhere, THE ONLY THING people know about him and say about him is, "oh yeah, you mean the guy who said 'God is dead'? the guy who has no religion or values or beliefs? that guy? who tries to disprove anything anyone believes, and says there is no truth?"
yes, he IS the guy who said 'God is dead.' but people, please, when you read this passage, don't just stop there. continue to read the rest. he said 'God is dead and WE HAVE KILLED HIM.' and his argument makes sense:
1) there is a separation between the dionysian and the apollosian way of acting.
dionysian = passionately, using senses
apollosian = using reason
2) BOTH are necessary in life. you can't only follow one of them. the tension between them is required in your actions.
3) in modernity, because of the renaissance and the enlightenment and the german idealists, we have dispelled with the dionysian way. we see reason as above everything else. we see reason as necessary to suppress the passions and prevent them from ever manifesting themselves.
4) we apply this to nature. so, in nature, reason must be above all else.
5) we have also applied it to God. so we have decided that God must be complete reason and entirely devoid of any relation to passions. i.e. pure reason is the highest thing. God is the highest thing. therefore, God is reason at its fullest expression.
6) the Judeo-Christian-Muslim God (or any God for that matter) is related to passions however. He always participated in history and in people's lives before. He acted on His passions - He became angry and jealous and He loved and such...(for proof, read any religious text).
7) but we no longer allow for this, since we have devoid God of any passions (the dionysian) and therefore, of any ability to interfere in human life.
8) THEREFORE, WE HAVE KILLED HIM, and so God is dead.

so he isn't saying that God is dead, as in God is useless and you should get rid of Him cause then you'll be more free to do whatever you want. he is saying that with our extreme rationalism WE HUMANS have CHOSEN to kill Him.
capiche???


*speaking of confidence: beethoven said about himself, "i wish i had had more time to read philosophers like plato and rousseau, but it was my destiny to become the greatest composer of time." lol, i love it...

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

there is this website that posts daily fortunes for each of its members. last week, on halloween my fortune said "Your dearest wish will come true." THEN i walk into our department office at the university and they had halloween chocolates!! the good ones too! i was like "well, what do you know??"
but today i log in and this is what it says:
"Today's fortune:
You and your wife will be happy in your life together."
all i can say is 'uummmm...' (confused face - is there something i myself don't know??)
misunderstandings are the worst...will write post about this soon...for now i just want to say:
i hate them!
"ensan mitavanad, bianke ensane bozorgi bashad, ensane azadi bashad. amma hich kasi nemitavand, bee anke azad bashad, ensane bozorgi bashad..."

"a person can, without being a great person, be a free person. but no one can, without being a free person, be a great person..."

Sunday, November 05, 2006

omg, is this for real??
bwahaha

"What do I need? I need someone to be strong where I’m weak. I need someone to push and to push me in return. I need to know that no matter how hard I push, no matter how clever or how strong I am, I’m not pushing you. But most of all, I need to know that you’re someone I can trust. I can trust that if I fight you’ll bring it back around. If I deny, you’ll coax it back. If I have your back you won’t make me bow and accede victory for another when the only reason I took up the fight was because I was on your side. You give in. I have to give in too. That’s how it works."
(from someone's blog)


prove to me that you are different.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

GIRLZZZZ NITEEEEE!!
can i tell you something?
i really like the uninhibited way that you are.
i hate it when i see a situation and i can predict the horrible outcome, but i can't do anything about it.
yesterday i saw my naive self in a stranger. i recognized it. and i wanted so much to tell this person what would happen. i wanted so much to draw her a map of her future. i wanted so much to spare her the trouble and the pain that awaited her.
but i don't know this person.
and she wouldn't have listened to me anyway. she wouldn't have believed me anyway.
i know she wouldn't have.
how do i know this? because i didn't listen to them. i didn't believe them.
some things you just have to experience for yourself.
and in the end, i guess it is better for you to have experienced them. because after the trouble and the pain comes so much strength and unbelievable faith in yourself.

but wow, it must be so hard for parents, watching their kids go through the same things they did...

Friday, November 03, 2006

lol

Thursday, November 02, 2006

it was a game of chess. i moved a soldier, you moved a soldier. i moved my horse, you moved another soldier. you were playing against me, trying to bring me down, make me lose (and i guess by the end i was doing the same to you). and you succeeded. one by one, you killed my players. first a soldier went down, then another, then my horse, my bishop. you killed them all. eventually even my queen fell.
the king stood alone. its protection gone, its legs, the foundation it had stood on, depended on was no longer there. scared. terrified.
alone.
his army had given him an identity. he had felt confident. he had felt whole. but one by one you had killed them. and now he was lost. he didn't know what to do, who he was. he didn't know how to be anymore. he stood and looked at you, so full still, and he hated himself. he had nothing to like anymore.
he didn't know what to do...
so he did the only thing he could do. he rebuilt his army. slowly, slowly, one by one, he brought them back. a small lowly soldier first. then another. then another. all the way up to the queen.
oh but you resisted. my king was minding his own business, just rebuilding his army, but you kept on trying to kill them didn't you? you kept on bringing me back into it didn't you? (and i guess i still wanted to play - i do love chess...)
finally only the queen was left. all the other players had been rebuild, just the queen was left.
the queen.
the queen is the strongest player. it has the most movability, the most power. it is more important than even the king. really, without the queen, the game is lost. so her return was essential.
you made it so hard. but the king's army protected him, even without the queen, and just worked day and night to bring her back.
i saw your strategies then, saw how you had killed each of my game-pieces. i saw your game plan for what it was. see, before that i hadn't known. i had kept on playing but i was playing by different rules. i had been playing under the assumption that i would stay alive, not knowing how different the reality would be. now i could see it. and something strange started happening. each time, each time, i saw one of your strategies, the ugly truth of it, one of your players died. isn't that weird? i wasn't playing chess anymore. just looking, looking at the strategy, rebuilding my army, preparing for the next game, learning. but you just kept on dying. one by one. a soldier, a horse, a bishop. none left.
except the queen. the most important player. it stood. it was my beacon, that queen. all your other players were murderers. but not the queen. it was good. it had been good. whatever else you had used your pieces for, at least your queen was commendable. i kept it standing. that way at least i could say i had played against a worthy opponent (sportsmanship and all that). my king, my players, dead and resurrected, revered your queen.
"look, look. at least the queen is still there. at least the queen is good. however else the game may have been played, at least the queen is standing."
ha.
the thing about chess is that it is a mathematical game. it is strategic. you play not by chance, but by the mathematics of those 64 squares, of the constrained movements of each of the pieces.
so your queen stood majestically for a while. but chess is math. it's formula. it is truth. and you know the thing about truth don't you? yes, that it always comes out?
well, it came out.
just like a beautiful little equation, each part was put together. see, another thing was, since your queen stood, one side of the equation (the stragety) did not use to equal the other side (the outcome). but then i found out the truth she was hiding. i realized what a shaky foundation she stood on. and now i know the bottomless depths of its ugliness. and you know what's funny? it was revealed to me. revelead to me. like a prophecy. don't you think that's funny? a prophecy - from the outside - like i was meant to know.
to know the truth.
and the truth shall set you free...
ha.
so your queen fell. it died.
meh...

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

"agar kasi meegooyad ke baraye to meemeerad doroogh meegooyad. hagheeghat ra kasi meegooyad ke baraye to zendegi konad."

"if someone says they would die for you, they are lying. the truth is said by the one who lives for you."
someone i know, and by 'know' i mean 'read the blog of, but have never actually met, nor know anything about (not even his real name) other than said blog (www.announced-life.blogspot.com),' is defending his PhD dissertation today. my parents say getting a PhD is like going through a meat-grinder. so let's all take a moment and pray that he does well...