i want to love it again

you know that feeling? the feeling that this is what makes you happy? that certainty that comes with knowing this is it? you know what i'm talking about? i mean the desire that draws you to it. that satisfaction that comes from it. that peace that settles all over your body and soul and makes you smile. just makes you smile like an idiot for no reason whatsoever. and people ask you, they say, "what are you smiling at?" and the only answer you can give is "life," because there is really no other concrete reason why you can't stop smiling. you know what i mean, right?

desire.
satisfaction.
peace.

i miss that feeling. where did it go? does it disappear as you get older? diminishes little by little until you forget what it feels like? oppressed under the overwhelming feeling that there is so much more than you are capable to do?

"how are you?"
common question.
common answered: "i'm fine. how are you?"
my answer used to be "excellent!! and you?"

i want it.
i want to be excellent again.
but, instead, i'm...just...
tired.