in iran, when you turn 9, in grade 3, they have this ceremony where you become a practicing muslim. in islam, for girls, 9 is the age that you become religiously accountable for your actions. so they have this huge ceremony called Jashne Ebadat. i just found the DVD of my jashne ebadat. isn’t that so cool? the whole thing is recorded. i even performed a song in it!
watching it was such a surreal experience though. i was seeing this little girl who would grow up to be me. as i was watching it, i started thinking, what was it about her that made her me? nothing about 9 year old bita indicated that 12 years later she would become the person i am today. so what is it that connects me to that girl? what is it that makes me the same as her?
i watched that girl, little bita, walk across the stage with her red skirt and crown of flowers resting on top of her maghnaa-e. i watched her sing a song, in fluent and fast and perfectly pronounced persian. i watched her friends (whom she had loved and who had loved her, but now...what were their names again?) scream out her name and clap like crazy when she finished. i watched her teacher, so proud of her, thank her for closing the program. i watcher her...and i thought, "is that me? how do I know that’s me? what is it that makes her me? what is it in us both that makes her the same as me?"
everything about younger bita and older bita is different. sure we both still have black hair and big lips. we both still have short eyelashes and a heart-shaped face. we both have hands and feet. but if they put us next to each other, would it be obvious we were one person? she could be any black-haired big-lipped short-eyelashed heart-shaped face girl with hands and feet. but what makes her ME? what is the essence of bita-ness that connects us both?
there has to be one, right?
unless...maybe, maybe...she is not really me and every second that passes i am a completely different person...
but then...why am i called by the same name? there must be a reason that i am called the same thing over time, as if i really AM the same thing?
aaagggghhhrrr...so confused...i think i need to call God again...
watching it was such a surreal experience though. i was seeing this little girl who would grow up to be me. as i was watching it, i started thinking, what was it about her that made her me? nothing about 9 year old bita indicated that 12 years later she would become the person i am today. so what is it that connects me to that girl? what is it that makes me the same as her?
i watched that girl, little bita, walk across the stage with her red skirt and crown of flowers resting on top of her maghnaa-e. i watched her sing a song, in fluent and fast and perfectly pronounced persian. i watched her friends (whom she had loved and who had loved her, but now...what were their names again?) scream out her name and clap like crazy when she finished. i watched her teacher, so proud of her, thank her for closing the program. i watcher her...and i thought, "is that me? how do I know that’s me? what is it that makes her me? what is it in us both that makes her the same as me?"
everything about younger bita and older bita is different. sure we both still have black hair and big lips. we both still have short eyelashes and a heart-shaped face. we both have hands and feet. but if they put us next to each other, would it be obvious we were one person? she could be any black-haired big-lipped short-eyelashed heart-shaped face girl with hands and feet. but what makes her ME? what is the essence of bita-ness that connects us both?
there has to be one, right?
unless...maybe, maybe...she is not really me and every second that passes i am a completely different person...
but then...why am i called by the same name? there must be a reason that i am called the same thing over time, as if i really AM the same thing?
aaagggghhhrrr...so confused...i think i need to call God again...
posted by bita at 10:07 PM
1 Comments:
that was a nice story, and you should be thankful for whoever kept that Dvd for you through out these years.
Bita,with regards to your question, I can just say, considering that I know the older bita enough, that lil bita is you, because among all those lil girls that turned 9, you were the only one who had enough self-esteem, courage, and talent, to stand up there, and sing a song.
and that virtue grew up in you, and developed your character and personality
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