2:30 am...
God, what a day. very emotionally-charged.
there are so many emotional problems buried deep in your subconscious affecting your consciousness in ways you don't even know of. today, many many of these hidden fears and emotions made their way through the layers of suppression separating my ego from my superego. one after another (from 9:00 in the morning until about 10:00 at night) things happened that dangled my weaknesses in front of my eyes. things that i hate in myself were brought to my own attention.
i felt helpless and lost and insecure. i wished i could change myself. i could only see what i didn't know, didn't have, couldn't do, couldn't be. what was the point of my existence? i was useless. useless!!
let's just say, i'm glad the day is over. i still have all those weaknesses and emotional issues playing hide and seek in the layers of my brain. i will probably still continue to do the things i did today and, as a result, feel the same emotions. i still don't know the point of my existence.
the things is, though, i have regrettably come to the conclusion that i don't really truly care about the point of my existence. this fact is unfortunate because i'm a philosophy student and one of the most important questions in philosophy is precisely that (the point of existence). but the truth is, i just LIKE existing, separate from any possible use i could have for the world. i like being alive, that's all. and what's more is that i like existing as myself. i do. and i mean my whole self - weaknesses and all.
this realization, that i like myself and i like being alive, despite the many curve-balls thrown at me and the many insults received from others, was worth the super-shitty day.
maybe if you're lucky you'll experience a shitty day yourself one day...
God, what a day. very emotionally-charged.
there are so many emotional problems buried deep in your subconscious affecting your consciousness in ways you don't even know of. today, many many of these hidden fears and emotions made their way through the layers of suppression separating my ego from my superego. one after another (from 9:00 in the morning until about 10:00 at night) things happened that dangled my weaknesses in front of my eyes. things that i hate in myself were brought to my own attention.
i felt helpless and lost and insecure. i wished i could change myself. i could only see what i didn't know, didn't have, couldn't do, couldn't be. what was the point of my existence? i was useless. useless!!
let's just say, i'm glad the day is over. i still have all those weaknesses and emotional issues playing hide and seek in the layers of my brain. i will probably still continue to do the things i did today and, as a result, feel the same emotions. i still don't know the point of my existence.
the things is, though, i have regrettably come to the conclusion that i don't really truly care about the point of my existence. this fact is unfortunate because i'm a philosophy student and one of the most important questions in philosophy is precisely that (the point of existence). but the truth is, i just LIKE existing, separate from any possible use i could have for the world. i like being alive, that's all. and what's more is that i like existing as myself. i do. and i mean my whole self - weaknesses and all.
this realization, that i like myself and i like being alive, despite the many curve-balls thrown at me and the many insults received from others, was worth the super-shitty day.
maybe if you're lucky you'll experience a shitty day yourself one day...
posted by bita at 1:29 AM
2 Comments:
To be lucky or not to be, for experiencing a shitty day!?!
Listen, we all feel bad about ourselves from time to time, the important thing is what we do about it. As I quoted before for you, problems are sign of life, your existance is related to the number of problems you encounter in your life.
Now if these problems are constantly permanent and do not change their shape and colour, then, depending on what your passion is about your existing (which i believe it should be in everyone's blood ), you gotta change the way you look at the world around you. you gotta change your reactiveness...changing is a simple world, but it takes a brave man to change and forget about all his/her ideals he or she mistakenly had in life.
saeeeeeeeeeeeed. salammmmm!!! khoooooooooobiiiii??
merci az commentet. i know exactly what you mean. that was my point actually - that the problems will always be there (even if you solve one, there is always another one just around the corner) but the important thing is how you deal with these problems and how you see yourself and the world. if you still like being alive and still like being yourself even though sometimes everything goes wrong, then it's all good. problems, as you say, are a good thing because they teach you what it's like to live and be a human being.
about the changing of ideals, i totally agree with that too. before you experience something you believe certain things about it. you think that you'll do one thing and be one way and have certain ideals. but experience forces you to change your ideals to be able to handle reality. as you say, this is very difficult - sometimes we grip onto our ideals with both hands and refuse to let go (we nurture them like they are our children), but it becomes necessary when the ideals don't match the reality.
Post a Comment
<< Home