"i never want to get married."
"why not?"
"because i'm afraid of myself. i'm afraid that i'll get married, but then one day i'll no longer be happy with the person i'm married to and they won't attract me anymore."
"hmm...seems like a justified fear."
"so that's why i just don't ever want to get married. i know myself and i'm afraid that no one can keep me passionate for long."
"well all i can tell you is that i guarantee that in marriage one day the passion will dissipate. you are right about that."
"so then you agree? you also think that the passion will leave, right? so then you too must think that it's better not to get married?"
"yes i do think that the passion will leave, but i don't think people should refrain from marrying. at least for myself, i want to get married. but that's because i don't want to live a life of passion. i want to live a reasonable life. a stable life. a life that i choose to live. a life that is on purpose."
"i don't get it. don’t you think if you are stuck in a marriage with someone even if the passion has left, then you are not choosing your life? aren't you then just stuck in a life you don't want? aren't you imprisoned and bound by a relationship that you have outgrown?"
"no, actually. i think that if your life depends on where your passions lead you, that is when you are imprisoned. you are bound to your passions. passions, by nature, are such that they dissipate. you cannot cannot cannot always be passionate about one thing with the same fervor that you had about it from day one. if you base your life on your passions, if you allow yourself to be dissuaded from something as soon as your passion for it disappears, then you are always dependent on where your unstable emotions lead you. isn't that more of an imprisonment?"
"but in a marriage you are forced to stay with one person forever. how is that less of an imprisonment than being free to do whatever you want?"
"in a marriage you are not forced to stay with one person – you CHOOSE to stay with them. it is a choice you make everyday. every day you wake up deciding that this is the life that you want. because it is a choice made by YOU, that means that you are the most free that you can be. you are choosing to be with this person. you are deciding with your reason that this is the life that you want. but if you go with your passions, you are always at the mercy of their unstable moods. one day your passions want one thing, the next day they want something else. you are never free to choose what it is that YOU want."
"but being married is like being bound by a contract. you even have to sign something – as if you're signing yourself away for life. and you are saying that in this way you are more free, just because it is a choice and not an emotion?"
"uh-huh. yup."
"you're crazy. and i still never want to get married. don't try to convince me otherwise."
"don't worry, i won't."
"why not?"
"because i'm afraid of myself. i'm afraid that i'll get married, but then one day i'll no longer be happy with the person i'm married to and they won't attract me anymore."
"hmm...seems like a justified fear."
"so that's why i just don't ever want to get married. i know myself and i'm afraid that no one can keep me passionate for long."
"well all i can tell you is that i guarantee that in marriage one day the passion will dissipate. you are right about that."
"so then you agree? you also think that the passion will leave, right? so then you too must think that it's better not to get married?"
"yes i do think that the passion will leave, but i don't think people should refrain from marrying. at least for myself, i want to get married. but that's because i don't want to live a life of passion. i want to live a reasonable life. a stable life. a life that i choose to live. a life that is on purpose."
"i don't get it. don’t you think if you are stuck in a marriage with someone even if the passion has left, then you are not choosing your life? aren't you then just stuck in a life you don't want? aren't you imprisoned and bound by a relationship that you have outgrown?"
"no, actually. i think that if your life depends on where your passions lead you, that is when you are imprisoned. you are bound to your passions. passions, by nature, are such that they dissipate. you cannot cannot cannot always be passionate about one thing with the same fervor that you had about it from day one. if you base your life on your passions, if you allow yourself to be dissuaded from something as soon as your passion for it disappears, then you are always dependent on where your unstable emotions lead you. isn't that more of an imprisonment?"
"but in a marriage you are forced to stay with one person forever. how is that less of an imprisonment than being free to do whatever you want?"
"in a marriage you are not forced to stay with one person – you CHOOSE to stay with them. it is a choice you make everyday. every day you wake up deciding that this is the life that you want. because it is a choice made by YOU, that means that you are the most free that you can be. you are choosing to be with this person. you are deciding with your reason that this is the life that you want. but if you go with your passions, you are always at the mercy of their unstable moods. one day your passions want one thing, the next day they want something else. you are never free to choose what it is that YOU want."
"but being married is like being bound by a contract. you even have to sign something – as if you're signing yourself away for life. and you are saying that in this way you are more free, just because it is a choice and not an emotion?"
"uh-huh. yup."
"you're crazy. and i still never want to get married. don't try to convince me otherwise."
"don't worry, i won't."
posted by bita at 10:50 PM
3 Comments:
"but being married is like being bound by a contract. you even have to sign something – as if you're signing yourself away for life" -- that's exactly what it's like. I have 3 wonderful children but that quote is how I feel about my marriage.
that's really sad. i feel sorry for your wife. maybe you should try to feel differently about it. why do you even feel like that? do you know?
hullo snavylyn, i totally thought you were someone else - lol. sorry! you are not, in fact, a man, but are a woman (i just read your blog and figured it out). ok so i change my comment to "that's too bad for your husband. why do you feel so trapped in your marriage? do you know why?"
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