hello. my name is bita and i'm a school-aholic.

it has been 11 days and 13 hours since my last class.
i'm trying not to think about it, but the truth is...i'm bored. i complain about school and all, but i don't think i can live without it. yeah, that's despite knowing the harm of it. i know that it's bad for my health - i don't sleep, i eat like it's going out of style (me after getting massacred last week by the thousand papers (a.k.a. the Crusades of Dec. 2006): "so THIS is why africa doesn't have food. cause i ate it all!"), i'm stressed. it's bad for my social life ("bita let's do something today." "can't. i have to study." "well, let's do something tomorrow" "can't. i have to study."). and let's be honest, at times it makes me want to find a bridge or a razor or something.
see? i know the harms of it in my head.
but i still love it. i'm still addicted.
i'm trying to wean myself off it slowly - i just couldn't go cold turkey, don't have the self-control that requires. i stopped the fun parts of it (classes) and kept the not-so-fun parts of it (papers) so that it would be easier to quit. you know, like reminding me of the pain of it would make me not want it anymore.
but no. didn't work.
...le sigh...
i'm still going through withdrawal. it's just, i don't know, i love the school environment. i love the classes. i love seeing my friends every day. i love my profs. i get this high whenever i'm there. i like the person i am when i'm at school. i feel more cool, more free.
i know, i know, dwelling on the fun parts doesn't help my progress any. i'm trying not too, you know.
but i just don't think i can do this. i mean, i've admitted the problem. isn't that the first step to recovery?? but nothing is changing. i'm just going to have to accept that this addiction is a part of who i am.
so, hmm, i guess that's a "no" to the take a year off next year or not question...