empty (doesn't every blog have to have a post with this title??)

"Oddly enough, I feel like a new year has begun.
I feel empty: a new beginning always come at the cost of something else's ending."
(massey's blog: http://masseyjaan.blogspot.com/2006/12/my-cliche-pill.html)

i can't sleep.
it is 3:48 am and i can't sleep.
i was so tired today. so tired.
so you would think i could sleep.
but no.
i feel, as massey put it, empty.
i wish i could explain. explain it to myself. i wish i could put it into words. spit it out over the page. vomit it all out of me. i just want to write it and be done with it.
because writing it out makes me feel free of it. purifies me. i write it and then i'm rid of it. done and done. no more stupid illogical feelings. no more emptiness. just freedom.
but
i can't find the words (do words even exist for describing nothing, describing a hole?). i don't know what it is i feel. i don't know why. and i don't know how to find out.
search.
i look in, i stare at my soul. i try to separate from myself to see myself from the outside.
but
it's all a fog. misty. cloudy. unclear. hazy.
all i see are questions: why? how? what do i do? how do i become?
just endless questions like that.
i am looking for answers that i know i may never find.
do i just have to learn to deal?
do i just have to be
happy
about how it is?