"don't think about the future. just right now and this second in time. and also remember that this second will pass and be replaced by trillions of others." (vanessa)
today i had an exam. i had to write five essays to prepare for it and only four days to do it in. last night i was miserable - and i mean MISERABLE. i was so tired of studying, of sitting in front of my computer, of thinking, of being awake, of reading, of writing, of just everything. all i wanted to do was sleep, but i couldn't. my exam was at 9:00 in the morning and i was not fully prepared for it. at around 2:45 am all i wanted to do was throw my hands up and bawl. i felt like the more i worked on my essays, the worse they got and the less i got done. finally at 5:30 in the morning, with my brain on the verge of mutiny, i decided to go to sleep. an hour later i woke up to study more before the exam. i just wanted it to be over.
9:00 o'clock: my exam started and for two full hours i wrote and wrote.
11:00 o'clock: i walked out of the exam room the happiest person on earth. i couldn't stop smiling. you know that feeling? the feeling like you just accomplished something? like you just did something good and worthwhile? it's the best feeling in the world. i wasn't tired at all, even though i had had one hour of sleep the night before. i felt ecstatic and lighter than air. every person i saw made me smile. the trees made me giggle with joy. the air was beautiful. birds were chirping. even the buildings had an air of friendliness about them. life was good.
how great a difference two hours makes...
isn't it funny how life works? one second you are in the depths of despair, the next you are happier than aristotle's magnanimous man. i don't even remember now exactly how wretched i had been feeling last night - how hopeless. last night i had thought this day - this moment - would never come, i would never be happy again (why is it that sadness feels like it will never end, like you'll feel this way for all of eternity, but happiness feels so fleeting, like you should hang on to it - grip it with both hands - cause any second it will escape?). but all i had to do was wait - wait for a bit, and everything would be ok.
that's all - just wait a little tiny bit...
p.s. thanks my friend - you'll never know how much you helped and how much it meant to me that you were there...
today i had an exam. i had to write five essays to prepare for it and only four days to do it in. last night i was miserable - and i mean MISERABLE. i was so tired of studying, of sitting in front of my computer, of thinking, of being awake, of reading, of writing, of just everything. all i wanted to do was sleep, but i couldn't. my exam was at 9:00 in the morning and i was not fully prepared for it. at around 2:45 am all i wanted to do was throw my hands up and bawl. i felt like the more i worked on my essays, the worse they got and the less i got done. finally at 5:30 in the morning, with my brain on the verge of mutiny, i decided to go to sleep. an hour later i woke up to study more before the exam. i just wanted it to be over.
9:00 o'clock: my exam started and for two full hours i wrote and wrote.
11:00 o'clock: i walked out of the exam room the happiest person on earth. i couldn't stop smiling. you know that feeling? the feeling like you just accomplished something? like you just did something good and worthwhile? it's the best feeling in the world. i wasn't tired at all, even though i had had one hour of sleep the night before. i felt ecstatic and lighter than air. every person i saw made me smile. the trees made me giggle with joy. the air was beautiful. birds were chirping. even the buildings had an air of friendliness about them. life was good.
how great a difference two hours makes...
isn't it funny how life works? one second you are in the depths of despair, the next you are happier than aristotle's magnanimous man. i don't even remember now exactly how wretched i had been feeling last night - how hopeless. last night i had thought this day - this moment - would never come, i would never be happy again (why is it that sadness feels like it will never end, like you'll feel this way for all of eternity, but happiness feels so fleeting, like you should hang on to it - grip it with both hands - cause any second it will escape?). but all i had to do was wait - wait for a bit, and everything would be ok.
that's all - just wait a little tiny bit...
p.s. thanks my friend - you'll never know how much you helped and how much it meant to me that you were there...
posted by bita at 11:57 AM
2 Comments:
I kinda know how you felt.
I finished my exam like 10 minutes ago, too, and it was such a relief, specially that I did quite good at it, yet I had another feeling about the people around me , or the surroundings.
I was (still am) so hungry that I could see everyone like food..birds on trees singing were like roasted chickens hanging from the trees..or the people were like edible creatures, and as of the breath, all it could bring to my nose was the smell of food..lol
bitaaaaaaaa
i want to feel like that so bad. i havent felt that way in a looong time. ever since highschool :(
what a messed up two years this university life has been :(
anyway.. inshallah, next year.
btw, sorry i didnt call tonight. my throat hurts like a *****
hehe
Post a Comment
<< Home