my heart hurts.
she is wrong!! that special day is NOT tomorrow. it's on monday!
and i can't say anything or do anything. i can just stare daggers. or laugh at how wrong she is. and feel good that I know the truth!
and i can't call. you asked me not to. it was probably for the best. i hope it is helping you. it isn't doing much for me. i miss you as much as i ever did. 45 days. sigh.
you seem to be ok. i'm glad. and proud. you're up to so many things. and every day there is someone new. everything is getting erased. like i was never there. i moved away and so did all traces of my existence...it's not that i want you to suffer. it's for the best this way. my mind knows it and is happy that you are...happy? but the truth is, it hurts to see it. i want to push her - them - away.
"how audacious!"
why did this happen? why? "somtimes i feel like God is playing a joke - like: i'll give her this great thing, but there'll be some huge reason to make it not work out." she said that today. how funny. how perfectly in-tune.
sometimes you're going along and everything is ok. you wake up fine. shower fine. eat. class. then in the middle, on that little short walk to the library, a twing, you have to stop. can't walk. can't think. can't breathe.
it hurts to know that this year i had a plan and i can't make it happen.
and i can't say anything or do anything. i can just stare daggers. or laugh at how wrong she is. and feel good that I know the truth!
and i can't call. you asked me not to. it was probably for the best. i hope it is helping you. it isn't doing much for me. i miss you as much as i ever did. 45 days. sigh.
you seem to be ok. i'm glad. and proud. you're up to so many things. and every day there is someone new. everything is getting erased. like i was never there. i moved away and so did all traces of my existence...it's not that i want you to suffer. it's for the best this way. my mind knows it and is happy that you are...happy? but the truth is, it hurts to see it. i want to push her - them - away.
"how audacious!"
why did this happen? why? "somtimes i feel like God is playing a joke - like: i'll give her this great thing, but there'll be some huge reason to make it not work out." she said that today. how funny. how perfectly in-tune.
sometimes you're going along and everything is ok. you wake up fine. shower fine. eat. class. then in the middle, on that little short walk to the library, a twing, you have to stop. can't walk. can't think. can't breathe.
it hurts to know that this year i had a plan and i can't make it happen.
posted by bita at 10:18 PM
1 Comments:
Oh, my gosh! This is fabulous writing, and I would love to know the story behind it. Very deep-- it keeps me wondering. Check out mine?
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