sigh

just finished the most difficult week. i keep on doubting everything. i would call you right this second if i wasn't convinced that you would be unhappy in the long-run. i know you hate when other people decide for you how you're going to feel, but this time i had proof. remember that day back in june when you told me how bad i made you feel? that was the saddest day of my life...i never want to make you feel that way ever again. or that day on the bus, you felt like i didn't trust you. i just can't deal with the guilt of making you feel bad. or the constant fear that you would grow to resent me.
i don't want to risk the feeling of weakness which would result from going back. "we're only here because it's too hard not to be." you weren't happy.
it's so hard to concentrate.
whatever's meant to be will be. whatever's meant to be will be. whatever's meant to be will be. whatever's meant to be will be. whatever's meant to be will be. whatever's meant to be will be. whatever's meant to be will be. whatever's meant to be will be. whatever's meant to be will be. whatever's meant to be will be.
you are amazing.
i miss you i miss you i miss you.