Friday, September 29, 2006

"PABLO WELCOMES SPRING"

Every day you play with the light of the universe.
Subtle visitor, you arrive in the flower and the water.
You are more than this white head that I hold tightly
as a cluster of fruit, every day, between my hands.

You are like nobody since I love you.
Let me spread you out among yellow garlands.
Who writes your name in letters of smoke among the stars of the south?
Oh let me remember you as you were before you existed.

Suddenly the wind howls and bangs at my shut window.
The sky is a net crammed with shadowy fish.
Here all the winds let go sooner or later, all of them.
The rain takes off her clothes.

The birds go by, fleeing.
The wind. The wind.
I can contend only against the power of men.
The storm whirls dark leaves
and turns loose all the boats that were moored last night to the sky.

You are here. Oh, you do not run away.
You will answer me to the last cry.
Cling to me as though you were frightened.
Even so, at one time a strange shadow ran through your eyes.

Now, now too, little one, you bring me honeysuckle,
and even your breasts smell of it.
While the sad wind goes slaughtering butterflies
I love you, and my happiness bites the plum of your mouth.

How you must have suffered getting accustomed to me,
my savage, solitary soul, my name that sends them all running.
So many times we have seen the morning star burn, kissing our eyes,
and over our heads the gray light unwind in turning fans.

My words rained over you, stroking you.
A long time I have loved the sunned mother-of-pearl of your body.
I go so far as to think that you own the universe.
I will bring you happy flowers from the mountains, bluebells,
dark hazels, and rustic baskets of kisses.

I want
to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.


–translated by W.S. Merwin from "20 Love Poems and a Song of Despair"

"POEMA 14"

Juegas todos los días con la luz del universo.
Sutil visitadora, llegas en la flor y en el agua.
Eres más que esta blanca cabecita que aprieto
como un racimo entre mis manos cada día.

A nadie te pareces desde que yo te amo.
Déjame tenderte entre guirnaldas amarillas.
Quién escribe tu nombre con letras de humo entre las estrellas del sur?
Ah déjame recordarte cómo eras entonces, cuando aún no existías.

De pronto el viento aúlla y golpea mi ventana cerrada.
El cielo es una red cuajada de peces sombríos.
Aquí vienen a dar todos los vientos, todos.
Se desviste la lluvia.

Pasan huyendo los pájaros.
El viento. El viento.
Yo sólo puedo luchar contra la fuerza de los hombres.
El temporal arremolina hojas oscuras
y suelta todas las barcas que anoche amarraron al cielo.

Tú estás aquí. Ah tú no huyes.
Tú me responderás hasta el último grito.
Ovíllate a mi lado como si tuvieras miedo.
Sin embargo alguna vez corrió una sombra extraña por tus ojos.

Ahora, ahora también, pequeña, me traes madreselvas,
y tienes hasta los senos perfumados.
Mientras el viento triste galopa matando mariposas
yo te amo, y mi alegría muerde tu boca de ciruela.

Cuanto te habrá dolido acostumbrarte a mí,
a mi alma sola y salvaje, a mi nombre que todos ahuyentan.
Hemos visto arder tantas veces el lucero besándonos los ojos
y sobre nuestras cabezas destorcerse los
crepúsculos en abanicos girantes.

Mis palabras llovieron sobre ti acariciándote.
Amé desde hace tiempo tu cuerpo de nácar soleado.
Hasta te creo dueña del universo.
Te traeré de las montañas flores alegres, copihues,
avellanas oscuras, y cestas silvestres de besos.

Quiero hacer contigo
lo que la primavera hace con los cerezos...

(pablo neruda)

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

i hate asking for reference letters. i feel like i'm going up to my prof and saying, "hi professor. can you write a letter about me saying how great and fabulous you think i am and how anyone would be so lucky to have me in their program?" fishing for compliments and all that.
i have to do it, but it just feels weird.

on the bright side, i figured out why i didn't get into the french bursery program TWO YEARS IN A ROW, even though the selection process is just like a lottery (the computer just spits out your name) and practically EVERYONE who applies for it wins it, but somehow i DIDN'T get picked either of the times i applied (no i'm not bitter...roll eyes).
if i had won it though i would have used it to fulfill my language requirement and i would never have taken ancient greek ("the ancient greek verb is a thing of beauty" said in a british accent, coming out of the mouth of a man [fittingly named Professor BEER] who always sounds drunk for some reason)(then again, maybe you have to be drunk to understand the 4000 rules every word is subjected to in ancient greek.) anyways, i would not have learned ancient greek, which i have just found out is a requirement for practically any philosophy program. the one i want to get into even tests you on ancient greek when you get there!
and voila, two years later and God's greater plan is revealed...

well, there is also the other thing...if i had gone, none of it would have happened.
wow.
weird.
an experience that changed me so fundamentally and taught me so much that i can't even recognize the girl i was before...and i came SO close to never experiencing it.

hmmm, i wonder if there is an experience that i have missed out on as a result of some choice i made. there are probably thousands. it's strange to realize how many different possible directions your life can move in. just one little choice can change it forever...

Monday, September 25, 2006

hilarious forward:

Real telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks around the U.K.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter "a", but how do I get the circle around it?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note...
Customer: No...wait a minute...I hadn't inserted it yet...it's still on my desk...sorry....
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello...I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and...
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
(THIS ONE KILLS ME!)
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: No.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
C ustomer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!

Friday, September 22, 2006

i guess it's better this way...sigh
Grey's Anatomy is BACK!!
woo-woo!!
i heart grey's anatomy...(be ghole massey jaaaaaaan (dot blogspot dot com ;)))

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

i feel like i'm losing you. it's just not the same. we're both so busy. there is so much to do now, real life to take care of, grown-up things to worry about, serious things to think about.
i know that.
i'm really scared about it all too. i'm walking on that thin line between being a child and an adult, about to fall over into that big huge pond that will consume me, overpower me, take over my life, my thoughts, my soul...make me care about it all. so much responsibility. so much to do. and
so.
little.
time.
there is never enough time to do it all. and the more i do, the more i need to do. it's like all the work i do has a reverse affect.
see? i'm going through the same thing you are. i feel the same way you're feeling. i'm scared, just like you. i panic and can't sleep at night either, just like you. i feel lost and helpless, just like you. i feel like i started thinking about all this way too late, just like you. i feel like life is rushing by me at lightning speed and i have no control over it, just like you.
so why aren't you here feeling overwhelmed WITH me? why have you gone away and left me all alone? why have you taken away the stability you always provided to my craziness and drama?
i understand, i guess. life is serious now. we can't be silly anymore. this is it. the last stretch. only one more step left and we're there. no more games. no more wasting time, chatting, giggling, being SILLY. we're grown-ups now.
but...
but i miss it. i miss the games. and the chatting. and the giggling. and being SILLY.
and most of all, i just miss you.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

i don't know how i feel about it.
i'm happy it's not me.
i think.
yes, i really am.
i think.
no, i'm sure i really am.

(pause)
(even more pause)
(a little bit more)
(just to be sure)

yeah.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

what do thoughts look like?
we all have the same brain, so how come some people are smarter than other people?
what is it in beautiful things that makes them beautiful?
why is it that we can know the past and not the future?
and why can our actions today affect the future but not the past?
how did people wash their hair before shampoo? or their teeth without toothpaste? with JUST water?? did that really clean it??
how come it became a custom for women to wear make-up but not for men?
why do we have two eyes even though both of them face the same direction (one would have been sufficient...)?
what does a soul look like?
feel like?
smell like?
is it immortal?
wait, do we even have a soul?
why can we only think about one thing at a time (one thought has to end before we think the next one) instead of all at once?
what is happiness?
how does memory work? how come you remember some things so vividly and other things escape your mind in a second?
do computers think?
can we create intelligence?
why did God create humans?
DID God create humans?
why do we die?
why do we live?
why do we die when we do? why not live 200 years instead of 75?
why do we get sick?
why do things work worse as time passes instead of better?
why do we need love?
what is love?
how come beauty is subjective ("in the eye of the beholder")?
why in the world did someone pay 1.8 million dollars for "the voice of fire" (http://www.ottawasun.com/News/ottawa150/2005/07/25/voiceoffire.jpg)?
what is real?
how do i know this is real?
how do i know anything?
how does my brain think?
what is a feeling?
why do i look the way i do? why don't my sisters look exactly like me even though we share the same genes?
why was i born to these specific parents in this specific culture at this specific time?
what if my mom had only had two kids instead of three? what if she had had four? am i missing out on a sibling that i'll never know about?
what if i had never been born?
what would have happened if we'd never immigrated to Canada?
would i be the same person?
what is it in me that makes me bita?
what is my essence?
what is essence in general?
what is the purpose of life?
what is outside of the edges of the universe?
what happened before time?
why did hegel have to write in such a way that i want to shoot myself whenever i attempt to read his works?
are there things that i don't have the ability to see, just like there are sounds that my ear can't hear (like the frequency that only dogs hear)?
if yes, then does that mean that i walk through solid objects that i can't see?
are there no such things as solid objects?
what is a solid object?
why do i believe the things i do? what is it in my brain that categorizes some things as true and some things as false? how does it recognize truth?
why do i like some things and not others?
what is desire?
why does it move me?
what does it look like? is it beautiful?
why is the sun yellow?
why do we sleep?
and why do we sleep at night but not the day?
to sleep, why do our eyes have to be closed, but not our ears?
why don't vegetables taste good even though they are so good for you? why is anything that's good for you so painful, while things that aren't good for you are so tempting?
what is a habit?
how come we become habituated to behave a certain way and like certain things?
what happens in our brain when we develop a habit?
how come it is so difficult to break a habit?
why do we want things we can't have?
why does our will not go according to our reason?
how come we have an idea of God in our brains?
how come we can't see God?
what is God?
why do we call God by the name 'God'?
why do we feel jealousy? or fear?
why is benyamin such a good singer (and sooo cute!)?
why do we understand some things and not other things?
what is it in our brain that makes us understand something?
what is the limit of our understanding?
why do we dream?
what is a colour made out of?
why don't we know anything when we are born?
how do we learn?
why do we cry?
why do we so desperately want to be alive?
why doesn't time move slower? Or faster?
how does gravity keep us rooted to the ground – how does it REALLY work?
why do we get angrier with the people we love most?
how was the universe created?
why do i always leave my essays to the last minute?
do things have an end/purpose or is everything for the sake of something else?
how come to move an inanimate object I have to use my own power to move it (e.g. to move a chair I have to pick it up) but alive things move on their own without any external force? in other words, what is life? what does being alive MEAN?
what happens after you die?
why did women start wearing nail polish? and how does nail-polish stay on nails anyways?

Monday, September 11, 2006

awesome forward:

Believe it or not you can read it...

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheeacrh at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig, huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghohut slpeling was ipmorantt!

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Where do kings keep their armies?





In their sleevies.
looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
(thanks saeed)

Saturday, September 09, 2006

bawhahahaha - i passed the test...the opportunity presented itself for me to fall again, but i didn't!
yes! yes! yes!

i LOVE experience.
i did again. i made the same mistake. i thought it wouldn't matter this time, but i should've known better. NEVER AGAIN!
...even if it means that you won't talk to me.

Friday, September 08, 2006

i am in fourth year...
wwwwweeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiirrrrrdddddddd!!!
i'm not ready for real life yet!
i needed to find an old e-mail right now. i finally found it in one of my many many folders (22 to be exact). it was a reply to an e-mail i had written, but i couldn't remember what i had written that had elicited that particular reply. this led to more searching - but this time, only in the "sent" folder. after sorting through 800 e-mails (thank God i had remembered to check the date of the reply) i found what i was looking for.

describing this whole ordeal is not the point of this post, however. as i was searching for these e-mails, i also read some of my old e-mails (the ones i had sent). trip down memory lane...
have you ever looked back on yourself and asked "whyyyyyyyyyyyyy??? why did i do/say this?????" it was so embarrassing reading them, seeing my naivete plastered across the pages, right there in black ink. proof! it could be used as evidence. ("you honour, based on the evidence, we the jury have voted to condemn the accused on the charge of acting like a retard.") it was so surreal.
thank God it is a year later and i have become a little bit wiser (i hope). actually, thank God i only turned on the "save sent mail" feature last year (before that, it didn't used to save the e-mails i sent). can you imagine if i had my e-mails from three or four years ago? oh my God, i would probably die laughing.
at my TA orientation on wednesday a prof was talking about grading. he was telling us that when we grade the student's work we should not be too harsh and remember that they ARE only in first or second year. he explained, "if you want to get some perspective, go find your own papers from first year and read them over. try not to burn them, even if you are mortified."
after reading last years e-mails though, i'm definitely not taking out my first year papers...

Monday, September 04, 2006

"remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." (dalai lama)
one sentence...one short sentence...
yet, it captures everything i'm feeling right now, everything that i've learned.

Interview with God
interviewer: "God, there are many people who are hurting down on earth. can you create a medicine that heals their pain and heart-ache?"
God: "I already have. it's called Time. it heals everything."
right after posting the russel peters link i realized that lately i've been posting a lot of forwards and quotes by other people. tsk, i know, but you see, i have a good reason. all the way back in may i read my monthly astrology somewhere. it told me that due to the moon and the formation of the planets or whatever my communication skills would not be up to par and that i should try not to sign a lot of contracts or write a lot or basically do anything that required communication (i.e. living). moreover, and this is the good part, this period of shitty communicational ability would last until late october. stellar! (roll eyes)
anyways, following the traditional oh-so-characteristic-of-human-beings human custom of delegating responsibility and blaming others for my faults, i blame my lack of creative ability on the moon...
and they say astrology isn't good for anything! ;)
russel peters (so funny):
http://www.intenseonline.com/video.shtml

but be warned: very coarse and offensive.

p.s. "her name was pretty! i was like, pretty??? yeah, if your last name is nasty!!"

p.p.s. i saw the movie Havoc today with Anne Hathaway, and i would just like to tell anyone on their way to go rent it, "DON'T!! step away from the car keys now! trust me. otherwise, if you do in fact watch it, you will regret the two hours of your life you wasted."

Friday, September 01, 2006

"she sat down on a kitchen stool with the mysterious letter in her hand.
Who are you?
She had no idea. She was Sophie Amundsen, of course, but who was that? She had not really figured that out - yet.
What if she had been given a different name? Ann Knutsen, for instance? Would she then have been someone else?"

(Shophie's World, Jostein Gaarder, p. 3)
it's september...
yay and a la dee da.