awesome forward:
a small truth to make life 100%
if
a = 1
b = 2
c = 3
d = 4
e = 5
f = 6
g = 7
h = 8
i = 9
j = 10
k = 11
l = 12
m = 13
n = 14
o = 15
p = 16
q = 17
r = 18
s = 19
t = 20
u = 21
v = 22
w = 23
x = 24
y = 25
z = 26

hard work:
h+a+r+d+w+o+r+k
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

knowledge:
k+n+o+w+l+e+d+g+e
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

love:
l+o+v+e
12+15+22+5 = 54%

luck:
l+u+c+k
12+21+3+11 = 47%
(don't most of us think this is the most important???)

then what makes 100%?
money: NO!
m+o+n+e+y
13+15+14+5+25 = 72%

leadership: NO!!
l+e+a+d+e+r+s+h+i+p
12+5+1+4+5+18+19+9+16 = 89%

every problem has a solution if we only perhaps change our attitude. to go to the top, to that 100%, what we really need to go further...a bit more...
ATTITUDE
a+t+t+i+t+u+d+e
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
it is our ATTITUDE toward life and work that makes our life 100%!!!
Attitude is everything!
change your attitude...and you can change your life.

you know what i love??
DAY-LIGHT SAVINGS TIME

yay extra hour...

my day today:
i woke up, talked to my parents, ate, went to the library, went to figure skating, went to piano class, went to dinner with my family. and now i'm sitting at the computer writing this post.
pretty normal standard day.
nothing special.
same old, same old.
i had even thought that it wasn't a very good day today (rainy, i was too busy, i was soo tired, kinda got in a fight - i mean, uh, "discussion" - with my sister, etc.)
but as we were driving to the restaurant, my dad asked each of us what the highlight of our day was. i couldn't think of anything.
not because there wasn't anything, but because there were too many:
-the lasagna i had for lunch was DELICIOUS
-i FINALLY got the books for my science project from the library
-i learned backward three-turns in figure skating (now if only i could get the forward mohawk, that would be great)
-my piano class was awesome (lucy said i was excellent)(lol, i feel like such a little kid getting all excited cause her teacher liked her work :D)
-...
it made me realize it hadn't been a crappy day at all. all these good things had happened, and i hadn't even acknowledged them until my dad asked that.
weird.
why do all the bad things stick out so much in our mind, but the good things we just assume are normal (i.e. we think good things SHOULD happen and so they don't deserve our special attention, but bad things are extraordinary)?
ask yourself that - 'what was the highlight of my day?' - and you'll see you didn't have a bad day after all...

"Most good judgment comes from experience. Most experience comes from bad judgment."

it's funny how you are the same person even though you are completely different. i am still bita, but i'm almost indistinguishable from who i was even just a year ago. i can feel the difference in myself, even if it maybe doesn't show on the outside. i'm so much more cautious and so much more free and so much more aware.
AWARE.
that's it. i'm aware now. i reflect on myself.
hegel has this idea of the slave/master relationship. he says the master is not self-conscious, but the slave is. the slave becomes aware of his position (his bondage), whereas the master is not aware of his freedom and of his dependence on the slave (he needs the slave to be free). it is this awareness on the part of the slave that ultimately leads to his freedom and his ability to supersede the master. but more importantly, this happens in yourself. when you become aware of yourself and your position, then you are free from self-imposed bonds. and you only become aware when you are forced to collide with a position/situation that enslaves you.
today i am aware of myself and my reactions and the signs of enslavement. i am resistant to them now...

bita - is eid tomorrow or tuesday?? says:
...it sucks how hard life forces people to be...
disillusioned and less innocent
says:
i know
i think about that all the time
bita - is eid tomorrow or tuesday?? says:
yeah?
do you compare yourself to before?
says:
I WAS JUS WRITIN THAT
damn!
bita - is eid tomorrow or tuesday?? says:
sooo much more trusting, easy-going
loool great minds...
says:
exactly

i guess we all go through the same things and come to the same conclusions. the problem is, i don't know which is better - freedom or innocence...

why is it that when you smack two eggs together only one of them breaks?
both the shells are equally delicate, and you're applying the same force to both, so it just doesn't make sense.
i wonder, is it the same with people? when two people clash together, only one gets hurt? and you just have to make sure it's not you?
well, there's a depressing thought...

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/home_films_evolution_v2.swf
wow
they even raised her neck???

it's time.
i have to admit it.
it's not something i'm proud of.
but i can't hide it any more.

i (sigh) MAY be hegelian...

i so never saw this coming!

"Indeed, Allah* will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves" [Qu'ran, 13:11]

(*GOD!!! Allah just means God in Arabic...why do people insist on using the Arabic word, making it sound as if they are talking about a different God??)


there is this book: Dante's Divine Comedy. in it, Dante goes on a journey through Hell and Purgatory and Heaven and describes what each of them is like. the whole book is really cool, but he has this idea that hell and heaven and purgatory are all made by love. they are the place where God gives you for eternity what you loved in this life. so, for example, someone who loves food (gluttony) goes to the level of gluttony in hell, where they get to eat (mud) for eternity. they get for eternity what they loved most (eating). and the thing is, they are HAPPY. the people in hell are happy about being there because they are getting what they love. since what they loved (food) is so much less than what they should have loved, they are in hell. i.e. even though they think they are happy, they are miserable in comparison to the ecstasy they would have felt having what was truly good. hell is where they are deprived of what is truly good for them. the punishment of the wicked, in other words, is their wickedness itself. they don't know they are being punished but just because they are missing out on such a greater good [being with God], they are punished. isn't that so coooooool??? Hell is made from lo-ove...:D
it makes so much sense too. God is an all-loving being. AND humans are so insignificant compared to Him. He would never care whether you committed adultery or had too much cake (it would'nt affect Him in any way). and He loves you no matter what you do (omni-benevolent). the thing is, in this life He presents you with all your choices, good or bad, and allows you to choose. plus He even helps you by pointing out which choices are good and which are bad. but He allows you to choose for yourself, and then you get for eternity the thing you chose, the thing you loved most. that is what heaven and hell is – a place of unbounded love. hell is just where you go when you love the wrong thing (or person). you love it, but you could've been SO MUCH happier if you had chosen what is truly good...

forward: (all i can say is, shaaaawwwwwwwgggggg!)

Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,
"Hello?"
"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, Right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay, Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it, Daddy."
"And what happened, honey?" He asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser And now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water Last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
Long Pause...
Longer Pause...
Even Longer Pause...
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool?.............Is this 486-5731?"
"No, I think you have the wrong number......."

"The world is yours as long as you live up to your abilities."

the first snow of the year!
and it begins...

i love snow. it reminds me of angel wings. maybe the same way we have spring cleaning, angels have winter cleaning. like, in the winter they all get together and have a massive bath. so they take off their wings and go to the laundormat and have them washed. and as it is being washed, little pieces of it fall down over our head.
my mom says in the winter the trees put on their wedding dresses.

hey, we have to find SOME way to justify winter to ourselves...


going out tonight with my massey jaaaaaan (dot blogspot dot com) to...um...to be honest, i'm not quite sure. i was told it is a pakistani girl-party for eid. but she said, and i quote, "if you don't come tonight, i won't have your babies anymore." how could i say no? :D (love you massey)

my mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
coral is far more red than her lips' red;
if snow be white, why then her breast are dun;
if hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
i have seen roses damasked, red and white,
but no such roses see i in her cheeks,
and in some perfumes is there more delight
than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
i love to hear her speak, yet well i know
that music hath a far more pleasing sound.
i grant i never saw a goddes go;
my mistress when she walks treads on the ground.

and yet, by heaven, i think my love as rar
as any she belied with false compare.

(sonnet 130, Shakespeare)

lol

"7-8 hours of sleep a night? what is that you speak of? i don't understand what you mean..." (confused face, shrugged shoulders)

"what is the point of exams?"
"to take years off your life."
"ahh..."

"when you carry out acts of kindness, you get a wonderful feeling inside. it is as though something inside your body responds and says, 'yes, this is how i ought to feel.'"

thank you...
these words don't seem enough, but they are the best i could find.
just know that i mean them completely and with my whole being.

sooo cute!
http://www.freehugs.org/
(courtesy of vahidio)

i have a love/hate relationship with computers.
today's forcast: HATE
THUNDERSTORM
TEMPERATURE: FREEZING COLD

why oh why do they hate me???

my skating class for this term started yesterday. here is a gold start to whoever invented figure skating...
(i don't actually have a picture of a gold star to put here. use your imagination)

you know when you want something? really want it? with your whole being? more than you've wanted anything before? as if your life depended on it? like this was the only alternative? the best choice out there? and if you got it, it would totally make your life? you can't think of anything else? and you're so scared that you won't get it? you feel like you're hanging on by a thread and it all depends on something other than yourself? you've done everything you could have done until now, and somehow it doesn't feel enough, but there is nothing more you can do? you've run out of time? yet it doesn't even really matter, cause you want it anyway? and you will do anything you have to do to get it? including stalking?
do you know what i mean?

oh i so want you, U of T...

i would like to take this opportunity to say:

YOU GO MASSEY! SO PROUD OF YOU!!

mmmm...cake...

last night was thursday, which as we all know means GREY'S ANATOMY (woo-woo). meredith was dating two guys - shepard and fin - and she couldn't decide between them. then, last night, shepard tells her that fin is the better guy and that fin will make her happier. he says "i'm walking away."
so then, meredith, being the logical girl that she is, DUMPS FIN! [slap forehead] apparently shepard dumping her made her realize that he is the one...

here we find an excellent example of: will and reason in conflict ("do what i say"; "NO do what i say"; "you're desire, you know nothing anyway. PLUS you're changeable"; "you're reason, you're boring, and you don't move people"; "yes i do"; "no you don't"; "YES I DO!"; "NO"; "YES"; "let's take this outside"...["but it's cold outside"]).
she knows that shepard will hurt her again - he has SO MUCH baggage - and she know that fin will never hurt her. she knows all this in her mind. but in her heart, her will wants shepard anyway.
also, she only realized she wanted him when she couldn't have him anymore. did she really want him? or did she just want him because now she couldn't have him?
i saw this movie, "what the bleep do we know?" (sooo good - the love of my life) and in it they explained that you become addicted to your emotions. a chemical is released in your brain when you feel things and you become addicted to that chemical like a drug. so when you love someone, you don't love the person per se, you love the chemical they release in your brain. then when you lose that person, you go through withdrawal (like an addict trying to quit) and that is why it hurts so much. so meredith, when shepard left her, must have experienced withdrawal and decided she really wanted to be with him.

all this has resulted in...question 2 of my quest for human-ness: are we destined to want things we cannot have? i.e. do we only desire what is not there, and then stop wanting it once we have it because now we no longer lack it (you want something because you don't have it in yourself already. so when you do have it, do you not want it anymore?)
and is it naturally the case that your will and reason will be in conflict? i mean, is it just the flaw of human beings for them to not want what is good for them? or can you overcome it and try to get what IS good for you? is it natural to want what is good for you once you know that it is good for you, or it is not?

oh grey's anatomy, how do i love thee? let me count the ways...

'as a scientist i don't believe in miracles, i rely on them.'

"Coincidences happen when God performs a miracle and chooses to remain anonymous."

Universal Law 3274: Gravity shall keep things rooted to the ground.
Universal Law 3275: Two separate things shall not be able to occupy the same space at the same time.
Universal Law 3276: Two plus two shall equal four.
Universal Law 3277: Students studying the night before for an exam shall be dead tired and shall desperately wish to go to bed at like TEN O’CLOCK (even though on any other night, when they have NOTHING they have to do, they are perfectly capable of staying up until 4:00 in the morning).

name: bita
age: 21
sex: female
goal in life: to be human
method to reach goal: figure out what 'human' is
first question: do you exist before being aware that you exist? i.e. is consciousness the mark of existence or sensation?
e.g. is someone in a coma human, since they feel things, but are not conscious/aware of it?

anyone? anyone?

new favorite persian movie: Atash Bas
message to non-persian-speakers: learn persian, then rent the movie, and enjoy...

(yousef: "man az lebas poosheedanet khosham nemeeyad."
saaye: "addat meekonee.")
TRANSLATION
(yousef: "i don't like how you dress."
saaye: "you'll get used to it.")

(yousef roo ye khaghaz meeneveese: 'sare saate 7:00 mano beedar kon.'
saate 7:00 saaye beedar meeshe, roo ye khaghaz meeneveese: 'saate hafte, beedar sho.')
TRANSLATION:
(yousef writes on a piece of paper: 'wake me up at 7:00.'
at 7:00 o'clock, saaye wakes up and writes on a piece of paper: "it's 7:00, wake up.")

("to aslan meedoonee toye zan chee meekhay?"
"are. khodeto meeshnasee?"
"are."
"meedoonee chejooree hastee?"
"are."
"khob hala oonjooree ke hastee nabash."
[slap])
TRANSLATION
("do you even know what you want in a wife?"
"yes. do you know yourself?"
"yes."
"you know how you are?"
"yes."
"ok, now, don't be the way that you are."
[slap])

("saaye, joone madaret, to oon rooz too oon khiaboone naboodee?")
TRANSLATION
("saaye, swear to God, it wasn't you that day in the street?")

("delaram to chee meegee?")
TRANSLATION
("delaram what do you think?")

relatives are a really nice part of life...yaay long weekend!

loooooooooooooooooooooool
(thanks vahid "kool vovo/nokhodee" jozi)

"pain is there for a reason."
-oh, the wisdom of Grey's Anatomy

p.s. what exactly is the appeal of meredith? can somebody tell me??
p.p.s. OMG, mark is getting a job at the hospital!!

hilarious forward (maz jobrani):
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoID=808655939

this one is addictive!!
Use the arrow keys on your keyboard to park the car as instructed.
http://www.107.peugeot.co.uk/peugeot.swf

p.s. i CANNOT reverse park!!! i'm gonna fail my G test...

it has changed. you've changed.
it's for the better i guess. i mean this is better for you. it's selfish of me to want otherwise, when i know.
the problem is:

i miss you

but i don't want to hurt you.
so i can't do anything about it.

what do you call a guy who never farts in public?






a private tutor

bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaa
(thanks saeed)

handed in the OGS - FINALLY!!!

one application down...four thousand to go!

"if confused, just keep going. keep going! often it will all be clarified in a few pages." (professor newell on reading Hegel)

sounds a lot like life...

i don't know what to write in my statement of interest...

i went to see professor laird about it today. he told me to be clearer and show that i have thought about this and that i know what i want to do. he even gave me an outline for it : paragraph 1) discuss where you're coming from (what you've studied until now), paragraph 2) develop what you're interested in (the core of what you're thinking about), paragraph 3) say where you're going (where you want to go to study).
PLUS, it's only one page single space.

i've written HUNDREDS of pages just in the last three years (let alone the 12 years of school before university). i've even written 15 pages all in one night. and yet, i'm sitting here staring at my computer lost for words, unable to fill this ONE page with my own ideas. i just don't know how to explain. how do you express using words the love and passion in your soul? even that, what i just wrote, "the love and passion in your soul" – it sounds pretentious and childish and lame when i try to put it into words. but it’s true - i LOVE it. i want to do this simply because i LOVE LOVE LOVE it. i wish i could just say that.

Statement of Interest:
four years ago i entered the humanities program at carleton university. in my second year, i began the study of philosophy. and i fell in love.
aristotle especially stole my heart, as he has beautiful and logical answers for EVERYTHING! studying his nicomachean ethics has improved my soul and made me much more human. if i could, i would go back to ancient greece and marry him and have his babies (and i wouldn't care that he had boyfriends)(they ALL did, frig)(IT WAS A CULTURAL THING!).
in graduate school, i want to continue being enlightened and improved by the ideas of such geniuses as aristotle, boethius, augustine, dante, kant, arendt, foucault and of course plato/socrates. i hope to do this at the university of toronto, in the Ancient and Medieval Philosophy program.
to sum up, i'm applying for this scholarship because i'm interested in continuing what i love to do and what makes me happy.
THE END.

somehow i doubt they would give me $15 000 for that...

p.s. when i first heard about foucault, i thought it was spelled Fuko – loooool. then one time i saw his name written somewhere and i was like "who is this fu-cult person?" tehehe...let's just say i'm not putting THAT on my statement of interest (roll eyes)
p.p.s. actually, to be honest, i think i WOULD care a little bit if my husband had boyfriends...

"Dear Ms Rajaee,
I'd like to discuss your statement of interest with you before you submit your application (if you haven't done so already). Could you try to see me sometime tomorrow (Wednesday), perhaps before HUMS 4000?
Vale,
W. R. Laird
College of the Humanities
and Department of History"

this is an e-mail sent to me by one of the profs i had asked to write me a letter of reference...i'm so worried now. i just re-read the Statement of Interest i had written for the OGS application (laird had asked to see it before writing the letter). it had sounded fine to me before, i had even liked it. this time it sounded childish and lofty and as if i did not know what i was doing.

HELP - I'M SUFFERING FROM AMOUR-PROPRE!!

in other news, i found out today that for grad school i would most likely need THREE years of greek - i'm in my SECOND year of it right now (and graduating from uni this year) - and THREE years of latin (i have - let me check my audit - oh that's right: ZERO years of it). there is a SLIM chance that this requirement is only for classics though, and not for philosophy - here's hoping that is the case...
AND i JUST wrote a blog a few days ago saying how great it was that i didn't get into the french bursery program cause now i was set for grad school greek-wise. so much for that!

oh Lady Fortuna - you and your giving gifts and then taking them away again...roll eyes

"Some live in an ideal world. Some live in the real world. And some turn one into the other."

i think spanish is definitely one of my favorite languages in the world. i was just googling pablo neruda - the new love of my life - to find the full poem for my post on friday.

we interrupt this post for some background information: i am studying humanities. the Humanities program is very small (only about 200 students in all 4 years) and we are all pretty much friends and hang out a lot together. also, everyone is pretty artistic and talented. so we have these events called Music Night where people can display their talent (whatever that may be...this complete and utter freedom of performance sometimes results in presentation that are, um, let's just say 'interesting'). anyway, this friday, the 29th, was the first one of the year. there is this girl who read pablo neruda poems (in spanish and then the translation in english) and well the rest is history...

ok, back to this post, which is essentially a tribute to spanish: so as i was saying, on friday i hurriedly posted two lines of the poem kiersten read at music night. i had to go away for the weekend, so i didn't have time to find the full poem until today. right now i went on google (what would we do without google??) and found it - spanish AND english versions.
and i just want to say, i think WHATEVER is said in spanish just comes out beautifully. you could tell me ANYTHING in spanish, and i would take it as a compliment, cause it just sounds so nice...like you could say "es estupida." "es fea." etc. - and i would be like "oh why thank you" (insert blush face here)

to sum up: i love spanish and pablo neruda and music night and massey and 'Quiero hacer contigo lo que la primavera hace con los cerezos...'

amour-propre: a selfish love/ a self-reflexive love
* seeing yourself through the eyes of others
* comparing yourself to others, and competing with them
* source of inequality
* THE IMPOSITION OF AN ALIEN WILL ON YOUR WILL

"wow jean-jacque. what a cool concept."
"i know. it's brilliant."
"hmm, ok, anyways...so JJ, you're saying that this is a bad thing right? that we should try not to subject ourselves to amour-propre?"
"yes, exactly."
"but how? how can we stop seeing ourselves through the eyes of other?"
"you're asking the wrong question. first you must ask why amour-propre is developed. only then can you know how to stop."
"oh ok. then why is amour-propre developed?"
"because human desire begins to grow when it sees other possibilities. when he sees other people and the things they have, he all of a sudden wants those things, even though he got along just fine without them before. he desires more and more things and sees his self-worth in how much better than the other he is."
"so what is he supposed to do? stop seeing?"
"yes."
"like, go blind?"
"yes"
(pause)
"oh my God, put down the dagger. i didn't mean LITERALLY! i meant go blind figuratively - stop seeing others, as in stop comparing yourself to others. just see yourself. just concern yourself with your own potentials and abilities. don't think about being better or worse than others."
"that's really difficult to do."
"actually it is the natural thing to do. this is how human beings are naturally - only concerned with their own well-being. they have amour-de-soi in a state of nature, and only in society, in an unnatural state, do they develop amour-propre. so you're wrong - it is not, in fact, difficult. it is the easiest thing. we have just developed a habit for looking at ourselves through other people's eyes. but we musn't! we must live completely autonomously without caring in any way for what others think."
"wait a minute, didn't you have a fake hut made, so that when your fans came to visit you from all over europe, you could go stay in it to make it seem like you lived the 'natural' life, away from society; when in fact you lived in a castle with some duchess. that (presenting yourself in a whole different way than you are) seems to me like caring A LOT what other people think of you..."
"ok, this interview is over. get out of my hut..."